If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
