he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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