i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
