even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
