i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
