I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Randomize
