Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think people are normalizing furries
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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