i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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