why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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