Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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