Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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