Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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