good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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