Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
