i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
