I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
