Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
