I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
