Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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