You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
