Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
