Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
