there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
