I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
