So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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