That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
