when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
