i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
