he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We left the knife in your bed.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
