Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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