After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
whose parrot is this?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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