I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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