just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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