When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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