Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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