i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When are your genitals available?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
