dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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