I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
