She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
