just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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