Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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