Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
