Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
