i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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