With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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