I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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