Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
