"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
