Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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