yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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