I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Randomize
