I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
