I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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