We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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