Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
