I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So much rum. So many feels.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
