Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
