i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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