i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
